Chapter 10: New Year’s Resolutions, the Compound Effect, and 5 Tips to Follow Through

INTRODUCTION

Happy New Year’s everyone. I hope everyone is healthy, happy, and off to a great start as we begin our journey into 2021. When midnight struck on January 1st I hope that you entered into that moment with the proper mindset. The mindset that 2021, while seemingly different in energy, is technically just an extension of the previous day and year. The dopamine hit and vibe one gets on a day such a New Year’s Eve is wonderful…especially if you can bottle that excitement and use it to propel you to become the version of yourself you imagine that you’ll become in the next year. This is where I think we will begin.

IT’S THE NEW YEAR…PREPARE YOUR FAILED RESOLUTIONS

I hate to be “that guy”, or a Debbie downer…but nobody TRULY cares that it’s a New Year. Some might attend parties, perhaps visit Time Square or some other location in previous years, and of course…all of the television networks will air their version of a New Year’s party to fight for your attention. Once all of that is over you’re now just left with….well…yourself.

You see, the common mistake with New Year’s and resolutions is that they are no different than all of those other failed hobbies you’ve adopted, or unread books you’ve purchased, or motivational talks / podcast you’ve added to your watch list. In the moment it all seems so simple and exciting, until one realizes that actual effort is required in order to achieve that which they wrote down. One simply does not write “I want to get in the best shape of my life” and then within mere moments they manifest a six-pack! I WISH that’s how it worked, but unfortunately, it does not. Once that realization sets in we default back to our current ways of being and habits rooted in comfort and complacency. It seems that all of that which we prepared for mentally on the first, is now a distant memory by the 3rd…I would say the 2nd, but I’d like to give you, well…us, some credit.

THE COMPOUND EFFECT AND THE POWER OF SMALL WINS

If what I described above is you then fret not, for I have a word of encouragement for you. It is in my firm belief that resolutions for the New Year’s a couple of things. I often think they set most people up for failure in their over-ambitiousness. I also tend to believe the idea, in its purest form is fantastic…but the fact that the idea only resonates for that moment is the key flaw. Throughout the year once one fails to make progress on their goals they usually default to “well, it’s not going to happen this year…but I’ll try again next year” mentality. My primary question around that mode of thinking is…WHY!? Everyday is a new opportunity to make good on the promises you’ve made to yourself. This isn’t the SAT’s, or that promotion you wanted at work. Failing to accomplish something for yourself, in the moment, doesn’t mean that you have to wait 30-90 days for another opportunity to try again. You can literally empower yourself to put forth the effort the next day. We need not wait until the first to be resolute, but rather adopt the mentality that 1st incites in us on a daily basis. I believe that level of energy and excitement is what propels the highest achievers in the human race towards infinite levels of greatness.

Let me backtrack here and also touch on the reason that I believe resolutions set us up for failure. I want to clarify that I think it’s important to aim high. You should be very specific in writing down that which you hope to accomplish. I read somewhere that one must be specific in their declaration of that which they want from the universe in order to actually attain it. The problem with doing that for your resolutions is that I believe most people are looking TOO far down the road. Resolutions probably shouldn’t be your 5-year plan. To say, in 2021 I’m going to make a million dollars…when you currently have no income, is probably asking for a bit much. I’m not saying it’s not possible, I’m sure it’s been done…but the probability of that happening isn’t as great. I think it would make more sense to make your resolutions promises of building habits that will serve you in your pursuit of your big goals. If you’re trying to make a million dollars, let’s map out what are the habits and activities I need to implement in this New Year that will make that achievable.

Resolutions cannot simply be treated like wishes, they need to be treated as actionable items that you have control over. I believe there’s an old saying that goes, “There is only one way to eat an elephant…a bite at a time”. That’s how we should pursue our goals, and our resolutions are those smaller bites that lead to full consumption. If we come to realize that one small step in the right direction leads us to our big wins then we will most likely come to enjoy many more big wins in the course of our lives than we could possibly imagine today. That is what we call the compound effect.

5 TIPS TO SEE YOUR RESOLUTIONS THROUGH

I hope these tips resonate with you, as always, these are practical tips…somewhat rooted in changing your psychology and the way you approach building success habits. These are by no means easy to incorporate, but with the appropriate level of effort I do believe that the right mentality shift is achievable.

  1. TREAT EVERYDAY LIKE THE 1ST OF THE YEAR – I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the movie Groundhog Day starring Bill Murray, but that is how we should approach each day. In the film, Murray is forced to repeat living the same day over and over again, that day being February 2nd. He finds himself stuck in an endless time-loop and gains so much knowledge of himself, and the activities that will unfold in that day, that he is able to effect real change (for better or worse) in his life and the lives of others around him. While we find ourselves in a new day every morning, the premise of repetition proves relevant here. There might be some differences in each day, but much of our routine is rooted in repetition. Begin to examine the things that are serving you in route to your goals and build upon those, and begin to discover the poor habits that you carry with you daily and take every step possible to reduce your reliance on those. We may not be working to make February 2nd the best possible day, but if we wake up on the 2nd with the goal to get better each day after then we’re essentially working to build up to perfect days ahead. Technically, time is a man-made construct so who’s not to say that we’re just living on long day.
  2. PUSH PAST RESISTANCE AND FIND BLISS – What does that even mean!? I believe that most of us are over-thinkers, and we usually tend to think ourselves out of what could be the best parts of our day. Sticking to the script is easy. It makes our day seem as though we’re using cruise control, or on auto-pilot. Unfortunately, if you have bad habits you’re most likely wasting your time on activities that don’t really excite you. Turning on the tv is so easy, it’s literally just clicking a button. However, it doesn’t matter how good that show is, when it’s over you feel empty. You were excited, perhaps even on the edge of your seat…but it’s over. You’ve got nothing to show for the hours, or hours, spent watching and it would seem to those lacking dopamine inducing activities that the only way to feel that rush again is to tune in again tomorrow. The problem with doing activities that require effort is the barrier to entry. If it’s not easy, or the thought of doing it seems laborious, we often forego the effort in even attempting to start doing that activity. However, we often forget how good it feels once we’ve actually gotten into it. An example would be working out. The idea of working out seems painful and long, however, once I find myself in a good workout I feel good. I do feel pain as well, but it’s a good…productive kind of pain. I believe that if we push ourselves past our own thoughts that we can find great success. Self-discipline and strong will can help us grow into that which we know we can be, and also help us be excited about it.
  3. STOP SEEKING PERFECTION AND STOP COMPARING YOURSELF – Progress over perfection is something often encouraged, and I find that it’s true. Trying to achieve whatever your vision of perfection is seems not only daunting, but also demoralizing. I’ve found myself comparing my efforts, be it at design, at code, at the gym, etc. to other people who have achieved an expert level and getting down on myself, or over-thinking the process I need to undergo to build MYSELF up. I’m sure even those who we strive to be like in terms of talent would tell you that they themselves are still seeking perfection. When we play the game of comparison it’s easy to get down on ourselves and our abilities, and submit to the idea that since I’m not like this TODAY, then I will never be like this, and it’s not even worth making a decent effort at achieving such things. That’s sad…super sad. When you know the desires of your heart can be achieved but you lack the patience and willpower to overcome and achieve them. The best thing for you would be to stop looking at those you admire if you tend to look at them through the lens of envy, rather than the lens of inspiration. We have to remember that we own our story and our journey. Our path won’t be like anybody else’s, it’s ours. Be inspired by what you see but not dismayed. Work diligently and the fruits of your labor will begin to show.
  4. IF YOU FAIL, DUST YOURSELF OFF AND TRY AGAIN – Adopt the mentality that failure in some form and fashion is okay. Everyday doesn’t have to be perfect, you can fall short sometimes…and you most likely will. However, a few bad days doesn’t mean you throw the whole year away and wait for 2022. As humans we’re imperfect by nature, but we’re resilient. If you find that today you didn’t hit any of your goals then make every effort to hit them tomorrow. Life isn’t so much about reaching your destination as it is taking the journey. You’ll have numerous goals and dreams over the course of your existence, however, in order to get to any of them you must first go on a journey. Once you reach one goal then you’re on to the next journey. You have to adopt the mindset that every good habit you build is meant to serve your LIFE, not just your goal. How you do anything is how you’ll do everything, and so it’s important to know that while you’re working towards self-fulfilment (the fulfillment of one’s hopes and ambitions), the real power is in finding self-realization (the fulfillment of one’s own potential), which comes from not seeking things extrinsically, but rather serving that which excites you intrinsically. Goals will be achieved, success will come and go, but the variable that remains constant at the end of it all is that you have to live with yourself and who you are in spite of everything else around you.
  5. LIVE LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW – This might be similar to living as if everyday is the 1st, but also significantly different. I feel like the first embodies the excitement, however, this bullet point should ignite the fear and embolden your passion to make the most of the life you’ve been given. One thing that those of us who are blessed with life fail to remember is that a new day truly is a blessing. It seems automatic and it happens without thought, but we often forget that a new day is never promised, and that while you awoke this morning there are so many who did not. We only get one chance at this life and you have to begin finding ways to make the most of it for yourself. I’ve previously made a post around the idea of finding your own voice again, and I’ll echo that sentiment here. It’s easy to get distracted and lose sight of who WE are because there’s so much in our lives that serve to distract us from who that person is. It could be your job, your spouse, your friends, your kids, the news, covid, etc. The list is infinite. Begin to imagine what you’d be remembered as, or for, if you were to die tomorrow. Think about it from the spiritual realm as well. I’ve had the pleasure of reading the book “Can’t Hurt Me” by the great David Goggins, who in that book speaks to his transformation from a fat, lazy, bug exterminator into a lean, fit Navy Seal and Army Ranger. In that book he had this anecdote which made reference to the idea that he dies as his old self (the fat pile of sludge he used to be) and he gets to Heaven and God shows him who he could’ve been. He suggests that he begins to feel as though he wasted his whole life when he sees who the best version of himself was but realizes he can’t do anything about it now, regardless of wish to have a second chance to change things. I’m sure when we die none of this will matter, but while we’re here we should seek to spend time uncovering who the best version of yourself is so that when our time comes we can move on having little to no regrets.
CONCLUSION

As always, if you made it this far then thank you for your time, energy, and attention. I want to continue to improve my writing to serve whatever the future of my contributions to this World will be. I often only write from inspiration and everyday I’m continuing to seek ways to grow as a human as well. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, these entries as just as much for me as they are for you. Let’s all continue to grow together and hopefully you’ll take something from this that will help you better yourself. I love you and may you forever be blessed!

Chapter 9: Bosses, Medical Bills, and Getting Clear on Your Purpose

INTRODUCTION

Welcome back to another episode of life as perceived by me. Today’s entry will merely be a tangent, a rant of sorts. I was going to write it yesterday and title it “Tangent Tuesday”, however…it’s currently Wednesday, and I found that I needed to gather my thoughts before approaching my laptop. The further I move along in this journey of self-discovery and personal development the more I realize that it’s important for myself, and you as well, to not just experience things for what they are and allow life to happen to you…but rather, to have experiences and leverage them to extract meaning, learn valuable lessons, and gain profound insights from them. I find that my low moments reveal a lot to me and with each misstep I feel I’m moving forward marginally. I’m anxiously anticipating the moment where I fully turn the corner and entirely commit to a complete evolution before it’s too late.

DEAR “BOSS”, I NO LONGER SEEK TO BOW IN YOUR PRESENCE

For those of us who work FOR somebody else it’s not uncommon to have someone you report directly to. It could be a manager, a director, a lead, but regardless of the official title this is someone we basically call our boss. The more I think of the term the more I’m reminded of an interview with the famous Dame Dash where he approached the topic of 9-5 jobs and bosses. Some of his most famous quotes from that meeting were, “If you gonna work hard, you should work hard for something you want,” and “There is no amount of money in this world someone could pay me for me to call them my boss. That’s like calling somebody daddy.”

I don’t disagree with either sentiment. I’ve found myself in the situation I’m in as a result of my actions, or lack thereof, over the course of my life that could have created an alternate reality. I’m finally waking up to piece together what I believe will be a promising and lucrative future, however, I’m forced to live in my current reality as well. In this reality, I have a boss and it feels every ounce of degrading as Dame insinuates. I’ve had bosses over the course of my life, and not all have been bad…and the experience is very necessary. I’ve learned valuable lessons from some, but at the ripe old age of 35 it now feels unnecessary. My current director does his best to unintentionally work my nerves. I recently was moved to a new team within my organization and my boss is always looking to force quality time. We have team meetings every morning that are designated for small talk, he consistently attempts to force me to take on other tasks that are not directly related to my job and also read the books he wants us to read in our free time. It’s frustrating and not something I embrace. I’ve been fairly stubborn in my refusal to indulge him in his requests. As human beings he happened to win some lottery in the universe that granted him the “gift” of this very arbitrary and subjective title that he has. I realize he’s no better than I, though, he is a much better representative for this job. I’m beginning to embrace my resistance to fully drink the Kool-aid.

Yesterday was really a final straw kind of moment. Recently, I applied for a new job within my organization. It was a job that actually better aligns with the long term vision for my life. It’s potentially a lateral move in terms of pay and title, but it’s a position that will force me to have to do research and build coded prototypes for innovative solutions. This is something I KNOW will greatly benefit me well beyond this company in the grand scheme of things, however, my company does this wonderful thing where they send an email to your BOSS when you apply for new positions. I knew this and understood the risk, but with regards to MY life and taking advances in a direction I feel strongly about for me, I feel like it’s not your place to tell me what you think is right or in YOUR best interest in spite of me. That is exactly what happened. My BOSS got the email and seemed to take it personally, insisting the next time I choose to do that to run it by him first so he can let me know whether it’s okay or not.

Excuse me…sir, but…ARE YOU OUT YOUR DAMN MIND! I don’t give a flying **** what you think about the decisions I’m making for me and my family. I show up to work everyday and work diligently. I do exactly what I’m tasked to do and nothing more, and that’s my right as both an employee and a human being. I’m not politicking for promotions and have even made it known that advancement within this company is not my primary objective anymore, but rather the acquisition of knowledge.

This interaction infuriated me, and helped me remember that I need to stay the course and find my way out of this company and this middle-class existence…speaking of the middle-class f*ckery…let’s jump into the next topic…

MEDICAL BILLS AND INSURANCE

Can someone please remind me why I have health insurance again? I pay nearly $400 a month on an employer plan and find that almost nothing seems to be covered. I thought we had an extensive network, I thought the seemingly absurd amount of money coming out of my paychecks would provide some basic financial protections in the event of needing medical assistance…boy was I wrong. Over the past 2 years it seems that most of my claims come back unpaid by my provider. My family has amassed ridiculous amounts of medical expenses that have become unpayable, unless I wish to put my family in such financial constraints that we find ourselves being evicted for our inability to pay the rent and utilities.

Yesterday after the meeting with my boss I went to check the mail to find 2 new unpaid claims. These weren’t small amounts neither, we’re talking THOUSANDS! It would seem always as though the universe is either conspiring to fully break my spirit, or seeking to remind me to not be comfortable…I do have a tendency to occasionally get too relaxed from day-to-day in spite of knowing what needs to be done to change my circumstances.

Whilst viewing these claims I sat in my office going through a wide range of emotions, which all culminated in intense diabolical laughter and a rapid heartbeat. I was livid and sad at the same time. I want so much more for me and my family. It seems that this World that was provided for us to live from freely has been reduced to one big money grab thanks to consumerism and capitalism. I understand how economics works, and I’m not entirely opposed to certain things…but being in the middle-class, in America, with a family, has become almost unmanageable (in my humble opinion). I checked all the boxes that were advertised to me as those that would help me and my family realize the American dream…and all I’ve found is that the older I get the dream begins to seem more and more unattainable. Unless you’re able to step outside of conventions and do something magnificent you are destined to live here…at the mercy of others, and struggle to live until the day you die. It’s a miserable realization, but one that we all need to constantly be reminded of.

LET’S GET CLEAR ON PURPOSE AND INTENT

How does this all tie in to purpose? Good question. These events really got me considering my purpose and how does one even objectively consider the idea when wealth and getting yourself out of financial constraints seems to cloud your ability to be clear on what your purpose could be. I know purpose has to be greater than empowering myself to escape the workforce, and I know it has to extend beyond monetary gain. I get anxious for both things, but in a moment of meditation yesterday it occured to me that I could easily achieve both things in a few years…and then what? Was my whole reason for living to pay off my debts and become my own boss? Highly unlikely.

I know what I’m passionate about but the reason why things haven’t manifested themselves yet are because I realized money is my driving force to do everything in this life right now. I could be investing more time into my passions and goals, but my need for money throws my priorities into disarray. My bosses and leads would have me believe that blindly submitting to the “company’s vision” is the best path for me in my life. That could not be farther from the truth. Marginal financial gains in the form of small pay increases, bonuses, and promotions…paired with working on projects that are insignificant in the grander scheme of life lead me to believe that this road is the hardest, but the one I’m stuck on until I really invest into the idea of my purpose and doing what I love for the sake of doing it.

5 TIPS FOR GETTING CLEAR ON YOUR PURPOSE
  1. FIND WHAT YOU LOVE TO DO – This is the first step. Consider what you do daily and what brings you joy. Even if you’re not doing it, if the idea of doing it brings a certain level of peace or excitement over you then perhaps that’s something you need to consider as being a calling of yours. Until you’re financially free from the grips of dependance on the corporate world your time will be limited, but my encouragement is to utilize the free time that you have to explore that which seems fulfilling to your spirit.
  2. BLOCK OUT THE IDEA OF MONEY, AT LEAST AT FIRST – Don’t approach your passions with money in mind out of the gates. Really invest time and indulge in these activities without the experience being diluted with thoughts of how to monetize these skills or talents. There will come a time for that, but for now you need to be intentional about discovering if you have a love for that which you’re aiming to learn or do. If you’re approaching the activity with the intent of making money then you’ll only hinder your ability to focus on building a level of proficiency that even makes you worthy of being profitable. People can see right through your bullsh*t, trust me, I see it everyday where I work.
  3. BE FEARLESS AROUND YOUR GOALS – You need to be fearless with regards to your goals. Most of us are overthinkers and we stand in our own way. Our visions of great success impede our willingness to embrace the smaller steps and victories needed to achieve great success. No expert was an expert without pursuing their passions tirelessly. One might say that you don’t find purpose, but rather…you pursue purpose and then purpose finds you. I think we want to force our way into something, but I truly do believe that when people just fall in love with the act of taking action that the universe willingly reveals the reason behind their existence to them.
  4. THINK ABOUT ALL THE USELESS THINGS YOU WANT, AND THEN THINK BEYOND THAT Try to imagine a life where you’ve acquired all of the monetary success and consumeristic goods your heart desires. Then contemplate how you’ll feel once you’ve climbed that mountain. Imagine that happens in your 20’s or 30’s and the universe grants you longevity in the form of 80 – 100 years on this planet. What kinds of things would prove fulfilling to you over the course of that extra 70 – 80 years? Be intentional about living and doing, and how the steps you take can help others. I think once we realize that true value resides in adding value to others lives and helping them along with their journey that we begin to uncover pieces of our reason for being here. We’re not here to be a part of the World, but rather contribute positively to the World in some manner.
  5. TRY TO MOVE FORWARD WITH LOVE IN YOUR SPIRIT – When one moves in love then love is what is returned. When you exude love in your work, and love for the people who are inspired or impacted by your contributions…it shows. People can see it and they only wish to see you succeed. This love should be genuine. You can’t force it, it has to really come from within. If you think about everyone that you enjoy watching succeed…it’s because you LOVE what they do or you LOVE who they are or you LOVE what they represent. Think about your favorite actors, comedians, musicians, influencers, authors, etc. When they were coming up you cheered them on, you wanted them to succeed and even used valuable time of yours contributing to their success. You loved them so much that you wanted to see them win at the expense of yourself. Even once they got filthy rich or successful you still cheered them on and only wish to see them enjoy much more success in the future. You have to realize that this is achievable for yourself and when you find a way to let your light shine then others will champion YOUR success in much the same way.
CONCLUSION

If you read this entire post then thank you. I really do hope it helped someone and if you have any questions or just want to be a part of the conversation please feel free to leave a comment. Something you ask about could be the topic of a future entry. We all have a lot to learn and we’re all still growing. I wish everyone the best and until the next time…please be blessed! Love you all.

Chapter 8: It’s Too Noisy to Hear Your Own Voice. 5 Practical Tips to Silence the Noise.

INTRODUCTION

Hey everybody, I’m back! I haven’t written an entry in several weeks, and allow me to clearly state that the reasoning for that was by design. I made seven entries back-to-back, and while it seemed that my followers went up, and my views increased thanks to my added consistency, I began to question how substantial my entries were becoming. I always am open to sharing my progress with you all but I don’t know exactly how meaningful it is to the reader to read about my steady progress, or lack thereof, daily. I found things becoming repetitive and while we all understand that it might be necessary to paint a wall from time to time…sitting back and watching it dry is probably not the most interesting or helpful aspect of painting said wall. That’s what my posts began to feel like…today however, I have something to say and say it I shall.

THE INFINITE QUEST FOR ANSWERS

The infinite quest for answers…I just wanted to take a moment to admire that section heading because it’s damn good! That could have just as easily been the title of this entire entry (in my humble opinion). What does that mean exactly though? Well, you might disagree…but it seems as though we’re all broken in some degree. The human condition is such that we are constantly seeking to find answers and solutions to the issues that plague us. The biggest issue is not with the seeking, but rather in the idea that seeking alone can resolve that which troubles us. In the modern era we just have access to too many resources that offer us practical advice and recommendations around how we should approach tackling our problems. I’ve found myself going down the black-hole of seeking knowledge and quickly discovered that the dopamine and false sense of achievement provided by the search has left me in the same place I’ve been for far too long now. It’s sad, alarming, and definitely non-productive towards achieving that which we know in our spirits will bring us to our highest sense of self.

In full transparency, during this time off I’ve been indulging on the quest. I proclaimed there would be an entry here around my short-term goals, and thus…no such entry exist. Why is that? I spent more time researching resources that would point me in the right direction of somehow properly crafting a well-documented plan of attack than I did picking up a pencil and piece of notebook paper and simply start writing. Progress over perfection is something we know to do and yet we seek to perfect the way we attack progress anyhow. It’s ironic how the brain works, especially when you’re lost and looking to find something.

IT’S TOO NOISY OUT THERE, TURN IT DOWN

It’s hard to imagine that we’re all uniquely designed with our own struggles and paths to success when I find that many people turn to the suggestions of others to help them correct THEIR problems. We’re all looking for some blueprint, a recommendation that comes with a set of guiding principles that we can reference to say that if I follow this verbatim then I’ll be successful. There’s nothing wrong with looking to the success those you admire have achieved, we all need a starting place. I think the concept becomes inherently flawed when we use their exact roadmap that helped them get to their destination as a guiding light to reach our own. What worked for them may not work for you, even if you executed their logic to perfection.

We fail to realize that these people, who were once regarded as regular human beings, we look to had to first live, and fail, and make adjustments, to figure out what worked for them…or helped them break through the glass ceiling we all aspire to crack. The part we fail to do is the “live” part. We have to begin to realize it’s our responsibility to actually make the effort to live out our plan of attack and not just take comfort in the fact that we have one. I say to you…it’s just too damn noisy, and by that I mean that we have been provided too many resources to distract us from actually taking action. There is literally a whole industry built on the hopelessness of humanity. It exploits people’s doubts and convinces them that if they buy some book or course it will simply resolve all of their problems. As I look at my bookshelf, my subscriptions to Audible, SkillShare, and Codecademy…as well as the countless number of courses I’ve purchased via Teachable and Udemy, I find that I’m guilty of this. You most likely are too. At some point it becomes necessary to pick a direction and begin the journey, and not just buy more maps. Buy one, stick with it, and begin your journey. In the midst of the journey if you find yourself needing more resources…acquire them as needed, but don’t hoard them and not take action with them.

I began thinking about The Legend of Zelda. If you’re a gamer then you’ll appreciate the reference. In Zelda the main character, Link, awakens to a calling from within. He takes actions and begins a quest of his own to save Hyrule. Some might argue, well, his quest commences because he is the chosen one. I’d rebuttal and say that Link himself upon awakening doesn’t realize he is indeed chosen. He has this feeling, and he might get validation along the way that he’s special, but what actually begins his quest is the fact that he first felt as though he had a calling and then he began a journey. He doesn’t immediately know what steps are required to save Hyrule, but he begins and the path is revealed to him with each smaller accomplishment. I laughed as I thought through this reference because I’d also like to imagine a world where Link has this sudden calling, but rather than begin his quest he begins buying courses or books around the idea of a quest…or buys Princess Zelda’s autobiography or perhaps the biographies of Links from yesteryear. He stockpiles all of these resources around sleep habits he should adopt to complete a quest, or buys several swords in preparation for the quest but lets many, if not all of them, sitting in a corner and collect dust as he impulsively buys more just imagining what the quest will be like. In the midst of all of this preparation I also imagine him getting fatter and older, while calling and complaining to his friends about others who are on their quest…”He didn’t collect at least 12 heart pieces before leaving, what an amateur! Who the hell starts a quest with only 3 hearts. LAME.” It really is funny to think about, and yet, that’s who most of us are currently. Did the laughter stop, I know it did when I came to this realization.

5 PRACTICAL TIPS, YOU LIKELY ALREADY KNOW, BUT NEED TO HEAR AGAIN

You ever know you need to turn off your tv get more sleep at night, but look up videos about sleep habits and wait to hear someone else tell you that you need to turn off the tv at night to improve your sleep. Welp, this is that part. The part people make millions doing. I will leave you with 5 pieces of advice that you probably already know and needed to hear from someone else in order to act on them. The lucky part for you is, that as your friend and someone who wants to see you thrive in this life I will offer them to you for FREE!!!! I’m also offering them to myself as well, so to let you know, we’re all in the same boat…equals…on our quest to becoming better versions of ourselves.

  1. Stop Buying Books (at least SO MANY!!!)
    • Stop buying so many books man! Like, seriously…how many does one need to formulate an adequate game plan. Remember, your game plan doesn’t have to be perfect, but you won’t know where you need to pivot or what new tools or skills you’ll need along your path because you haven’t encountered any part of the quest yet. Stop making so many assumptions about the level of preparedness that you need to be in order to be effective. You’re limiting your own progress by wasting time reading countless numbers of books, many of which you’re probably not even completing. I’d also like to state that just because you begin a book doesn’t mean you HAVE to finish the entire thing. Take what you need in order to be dangerous and come back, or move on to the next one, as needed. Buying books and not actually implementing any of their practices in real life is basically just a waste of your money and time. Let’s move forward and not be stagnant.
  2. Stop Watching So Many Videos
    • I get it, there are tons of “influencers” out there. All of them probably taking advantage of your dissatisfaction with your current situation and exploiting your aspirations by feeding you endless amounts of dopamine inducing content. It’s not their fault that they’ve become successful doing it, but that’s essentially what it is. You’re spending more time in your dreams than in the real world attempting to exact changing your situation. If I play Devil’s advocate I could just as easily place the blame on you as well. While some of those creators are looking to monetize based on our broken psyche there are probably just as many who are actually trying to help us. We need to stop binge watching their videos and follow their advice. We also need to realize that the solution they crafted for themselves are not going to be a 1-for-1 solution to resolve our issues. We have unique circumstances and skills that life has afforded us, and we have to find ways to tweak their methods to fit our personal agenda. Turn the screens off and just try to do something rather than imagine yourself doing it.
  3. Stop Reading So Many Blogs
    • Seriously, stop all the blog reading. As previously stated, some blog can be helpful, but once you’ve viewed enough of them regarding the same topic it comes to a point where you’re essentially just feeding the Google search algorithm. The worst part is when you begin to over-indulge on products and services offered by these blogs. Make your purchases in moderation if you feel compelled to take a certain training, and live with that material long enough for it to be effective. No amount of courses or money that you throw at your problems will make them go away. If you’re assuming that once you’ve purchased a set number of trainings that your life will improve, newsflash, it won’t. If anything, you’ll be more broke and equally as unprepared for the evolution you seek.
  4. Stop Watching the News
    • Please, stop watching the news. I’m referencing all news, national, international, local, tech news, food news, cat news, news news, etc…etc…ETC!!!! Set a designated time where you take in a little news but please, time box it. I find that news is still a form of media that seeks to drain your life force and waste your time. The news itself plays on your fears and strategically releases a different brand of dopamine. This brand is not one that makes you feel powerful, but rather…helpless and at the mercy of all the negative things that are allegedly happening around you. You become addicted to viewing it because you have to stay informed and get this feeling that I can’t miss a single moment. You become anxious and paranoid. The only way to ease those fears and concerns is by allowing the anchor to warmly embrace and console you with their slight offering of optimism, lovely smile, and charismatic charm. You all had me fooled for some time, especially during Covid, the election, and all the other upheaval happening around the country and World. I want to clearly state that you should ingest SOME news. It’s wise to stay informed, but my encouragement would be to time box how much you consume because after awhile the news becomes like the radio, they just keep playing the same songs over and over. Get informed, try to acquire different perspective around things happening in the World, not just those that mimic your own, and then please…turn it off and focus on yourself and your loved ones. There’s work to be done.
  5. Stop Listening to Your Friends
    • Please stop listening to your friends, especially if they’re negative. I know it’s easy to vent and complain about your lives with one another. It’s easy to offer each other advice or be skeptical of one another’s desires or goals…especially if they seem unconventional or beyond achievement. It easy to waste a ton of time discussing sports, television, and tons of other meaningless things. Do yourself a favor and turn them off for a bit. We all have a responsibility to ourselves to create change within us, even if that change removes us from that which is trendy and mainstream, and makes us more relatable to the common person. We aspire for uncommon lives but indulge in all that which keeps us living as common folk. I’d encourage you to really be a change leader within your friend circle and see just how many of them you can help feel empowered to subscribe to a new mode of life. One that seeks to maximize their time, productivity, and quality of life, as well as contribution, in this world. If you can find those kinds of friends then listen to THOSE people. Anyone who wants to stay at a low vibration is not needed to aide you on your quest. This applies to family as well. If need be, love those individuals from afar and invest your time lifting those needed for your quest up and allow them to lift you up as well.
  6. BONUS | Stop Listening to Your Doubting Voice
    • This one’s a little far-fetched, but we all have a voice inside of us that tells us what we should be doing, and one that also tells us that which will not work or that we’re incapable of doing. We need to learn to block that pessimistic voice out. When you feel encouraged to do something don’t sit around long enough to get in the way of doing it. The doubtful voice will seek to talk you out of that which may move you just a tad bit further on your quest for greatness. We’re imperfect, and the output of imperfect things is what we should seek in our quest for knowledge, wisdom, proficiency, and perfection. We learn best from our shortcomings, not from living in fear of producing that which falls short by the World’s subjective measure of quality. Be you and embrace the good and the bad.
CONCLUSION, THANKS FOR READING MY STUFF…SERIOUSLY

I just want to say thank you for continuing to be a part of this constant journey. As I continue to fail and learn, we continue to fail and learn together. We will seek to fail less or at least fail faster so that we may achieve the life that we know we’re fully capable of living. If you have any questions or topics you’d like to see me write about then please, feel free to drop a comment below…or perhaps you just want to say “Hey, how’s it going”, that’s perfectly fine as well. I just want you to know, that whoever you are…wherever you are…in whatever stage of life you’re currently in…I from the deepest pits of my spirit love and embrace you wholeheartedly. You most likely stumbled upon me for a reason and I most likely did the same. Let’s work together and go forward in power. I want to feel EMPOWERED so that you may live IN POWER.

Forever and always…be blessed!

Chapter 7: Everyday Is Not Eventful, and Sometimes I’m Still Sleep Deprived

INTRO

Today was not an overly eventful day for me. I did however go to bed extremely late last night trying to help my wife finish up her video for this weekend. This was followed by waking up extremely early and I once again found myself in a position of little to no sleep. I’ve previously written a blog entry awhile back proclaiming that sleep would elude me no more, but…as I also previously written that failure is okay as long as keep trying, I can be honest in saying that sleep continue to elude me…quite often actually.

DAILY SUCCESSES

So let’s focus on the successes for the day first. I had my meals and counted macros. I’m very proud that I’ve stuck very closely to my calorie consumption for each day this week. I’m preparing to get a round of groceries, so this week was more of the test week to see where I may lack certain foods that could round out my diet a bit more. I feel prepared to go forward in full force being very intentional about what I put in my body. That also ties in the fact that so far this week I’ve not had a single cup of coffee, and it’s only been green tea. My tea kettle has been a success and my tea cup help me get awesome flavor out of my tea bags.

Today I did more coding. I focus heavily on objects. I’m working through the exercises provided by MDN around that topic and tomorrow I’m optimistic I’ll be able to get more hands on with async await. It’s exciting to me.

SLEEP, THE PROVERBIAL FAIL IN MY LIFE

What hasn’t gone so well is my lack of sleep. It seems that ever since college I’ve had a miserable sleep schedule. I either am forced to remain sleep deprived throughout the day or I go to work, log off, and take an extended nap which eats into much of my evening. Neither option is a good option. I’ve got to find ways to become more intentional about getting the right amount of sleep. When I find myself well rest it’s quite obvious that my brain is functioning at a level that even surprises me. I want to harness that feeling forever, especially before I begin to dive into a new workout routine next week.

My goal is to be in bed at a decent time and up early, well before the sunrise. I’m currently getting up around 6:30am – 7:30am, but sometimes with only 3-5 hours of sleep in me. This blog might seem a bit phoned in because truthfully, I’M TIRED!!!! Tomorrow is a new day and all I can do is continue to make incremental progress to transforming into the new me.

I WROTE A POEM

Here comes the random part I almost forgot. I spent a few hours today working on what I feel is a pretty awesome poem. I think I might end up recording it for my YouTube channel in a spoken word style. I used to rap in my late teens and early twenties, but I’ve gotten away from it. I have a good friend who was name Poet Laureate in my city and just seeing her flourish in her truth and passion has inspired me to want to write again. Even if I only do it for me it’s still a nice creative outlet for day like today.

CONCLUSION

Anywho…enough about me. I hope everyone out there had an incredible day. If you’re up late please do yourself a favor, and get some rest. Sleep has dramatic effects on your mental health and physical health. It’s often stated but it’s blatantly obvious when you find yourself slugging it through the day, or having doubtful thoughts or anxiety. Rest isn’t the only answer to those things, but it definitely help to resolve some of the angst on those things.

With that being said…be blessed until we meet again!

Chapter 6: Empathy in Design and Helping the Wife Follow Her Dreams

INTRO

Day number 6 and we’re truckin’ along. Welcome back. Today was a pretty solid day, I can’t say anything out of the ordinary took place. I awoke, made my green tea, I did skip breakfast…BUT…I ended up combining breakfast with my pre-made lunch to create a pretty awesome brunch! It was basically a breakfast burger (eggs, sausage, and ground beef) with a side of roasted potatoes. It was absolutely delicious. I also still tracked my macros and once again hit my daily goals afforded me courtesy of the MyFitnessPal app. I must say, this app rocks! Those were be major successes. I also got some quality coding time in. I’ve decided to refocus my efforts by utilizing the education offered up on the MDN website. It really is pretty solid and I think that it’s helping me to operate at a steady enough pace that aides me in memory retention. The program forces you to work through sets of problems and doesn’t offer you the ability to just click to see the answer once you get stumped. I find myself searching the interwebs to piece certain things together or recall what method and properties to use in certain situations…almost like…a REAL PROGRAMMER!!! I’m excited!

EMPATHY IN DESIGN, AND REALIZING I’M NOT ALONE

Today was another work day, but it wasn’t an ordinary work day. We had a department conference of sorts. There was no work being done, but we were treated to talks by some powerful speakers in the field of design.

The first speaker was David Dylan Thomas. His focus was on Designing for Cognitive Bias. Please look him up on YouTube, his talk was incredible. It was centrally focused on the idea that when we design we often approach it with these inherent biases that we’re not even aware of. That even when we try to avoid them we find ourselves still relying on them as they are ingrained in us. He asserted the idea that we should strive to frame our problem statement in such a way that it seeks to remove bias from the answer. That’s a real low-level recap, but please…look him up, he’s awesome.

The second speaker touched my spirit though. Her name was Sekai Farai, and everything she said regarding empathy in design spoke to my current feelings about the role I play within my company. She asserted the idea that most empathy in design is BS because it’s not genuine. She was provocative in her stance that most times we like to believe we’re approaching research and problem solving from some righteous place and completely unaware that the output is usually self-serving. It might start from a good place but ultimately the process becomes diluted by weighing the needs of the company over the needs of the consumer. Once again, a low-level recap, but she posed the question that if we become aware that this is what we are doing at a company then we must ask ourselves, why are you working here and should you be working here. Oh man, it was powerful. It really validated a lot within me because when I signed up to do this kind of work my intention was to help people. I find myself arguing for what I feel is right for the consumer way too often with business partners and it becomes disheartening. I just need to continue to look to the future for my exit plan, but today was refreshing to say the least. There was no work, just some really inspirational words from some really powerful speakers.

HELPING THE WIFE FIND HER DREAMS

Once the work festivities ended it was time to jump into my next job, which is video editing for the wife. I’ve not mentioned this, but just as I find myself on this new journey my wife also is in a season of transformation. My wife LOVES sweets, and more importantly, she loves to bake! She’s really taken to it and has been practicing each week. We started up a YouTube channel for her and she’s been very diligent in her approach with it. She also started up an Instagram and is growing on both platforms slowly, but, organically. She’s committed to the process and I often help her take pictures of her baked good while also filming and editing her videos. It’s a lot of work while I’m also trying to discover some things about myself, but her persistence and pursuit of her dreams is actually rather inspiring to me. I tell her all the time that watching her is helping me to push for more as well in the realm of my dreams and passions.

I must admit…editing these videos can be draining, but I promised to help and sometimes I’m a little slow to get things done…but to my credit, I go to work for 8 hours out of the day, help her, and still try to make time for the family as a whole. My time is stretched very thin…but perhaps one day I’ll find some extra time in my day.

CLOSING REMARKS

Welp, it’s back to editing my wife’s latest video. My encouragement to you today would be to keep making strides towards your goals and dreams if you’re currently on your own journey. Push through the tiredness and long work hours and also open your mind to some new ideas and inspirations. This could be in the form of powerful speakers or professionals in your area of interest, or in the form of books, podcast, etc.

Anywho, I hope everyone continues to stay safe and remember as always…be blessed! Until next time.

Chapter 5: Learning to Protect Your Energy and Focus

INTRO

Today is day 5 in my journey towards trying to restructure my life, but day 2 back to work since I made this declaration. Overall I feel like I’m doing well, but I’m finding that I was only semi-aware of the frustrations I have with my job. Going back into a work environment that has tons of stresses makes it increasingly difficult to stay focused on the journey ahead. It’s like the equivalent of planning a road trip and encountering storms along the way. You’re likely to arrive at your destination if you keep going, however, you might have to take some detours and significant amounts of rest along the way which only prolongs your travels. This leads to anxiety. That’s the basis of today’s entry, so let’s get into it.

“MAN, WE’RE BLESSED TO HAVE A JOB”, YES…KINDA

You read that title above correctly. Having a job is definitely a blessing. My co-workers who have equal levels of frustration with the job often utter this phrase. During this time of uncertainty, having stable income feels like a God-send. Everyday presents it stressors but I couldn’t fathom quitting, well I can and I can’t…let me explain. I couldn’t fathom quitting because I know there are tons of people who would likely love to be in the situation I’m in, strictly for the pay and flexibility. Years ago when I decided to go back to school this was some version of what I dreamed of, maybe not necessarily the type of products I work on…but definitely the industry I wanted to be in. I come from a background of service level jobs where I’m used to working hard. I’ve never been good navigating the bureaucracy of the corporate world but quite frankly, in those jobs I never really had to. I showed up with a smile on my face, engaged my co-workers, and then we got after the work. The pay wasn’t good, so those jobs eventually created a level of frustration as well. I’m sure most jobs probably do after some time. Then I worked contract for the military and that was fantastic. It was a small group of contractors and civil-service employees that worked in a small building on post. We knew what our objectives were, we leaned on each other heavily, and we got sh*t done. It was beautiful.

I then left that position because I was offered a corporate gig with a large company. The pay was going to be better than anything my contractor could offer, and the benefits seemed better as well. I also appreciated the idea that I wouldn’t be going in as the top-level guy. I would be going in as a mid-level employee, which was what I wanted because I knew there was a lot left to learn about my profession, especially within the context of a Fortune 100 company. It seemed right due to the pay and the acquisition of knowledge. I was excited at first, but once you’re in…after some time, you quickly begin to realize that design isn’t given as much respect as you’d imagine it would be, at least at certain companies. While I will say, I’ve learned a TON of professional things…I’ve also learned that in many cases the influence of design isn’t meant to flourish within certain companies. Your creative is given a death sentence in favor of project delivery and pleasing your business partners. Your ideas, no matter how ambitious, will most always be shelved in favor of what can be done the fastest. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but I got into this business because I love to be creative, and over the past several years I’ve been so drained that my creative spirit seems to have eluded me. It’s gone…but I want it back.

Once I leave this job, and I will eventually, I believe that I most likely won’t work for a major company again. This has been brutal and I can’t see myself dedicating this level of effort over the course of the next 20 years of my life doing something that feels defeating. The only things this job is good for these days are wasting my time in HOURS of pointless meetings, and having my professionalism and ideas constantly questioned and re-imagined by people who aren’t designers. They have a strong say in the creative process and that’s fine to a point, but when the requirements change week to week and they refuse to commit to testing our concepts with users it begins to feel as though one is running on a hamster wheel. It sucks…it really does.

VALUE ADD TO THE WORLD OVER A PAYCHECK

To anyone who is struggling financially and feels like I’m ungrateful, I won’t try to convince you otherwise. I do however pray that your situation improves and that you not only find gainful income, but that you find your passion and income that’s generated from that passion so that you never find yourself in the same predicament that most of us are in. That position, no matter how much they offer you, is usually one where you’re subservient to some “boss” who has the ability to control your earning potential or employment status. I don’t care who you are…that BLOWS MAN!!! If you’re currently free from work do yourself a favor and dig deep to make your passion your source of income, whatever that is. We all aspire for freedom. The deeper you become ingrained in a major company for a certain salary, the harder it becomes to distance yourself from that way of life. Also, if you consider net worth and debt some of the people in seemingly higher positions than you…making significantly more money than you….might in actuality be worse off or more broke than you. Even if they wanted to leave many of them feel shackled to that position just to maintain.

Now I don’t want to sound too sunshine and rainbows and pretend like money doesn’t factor in. It does in some capacity. If you need a job to get by until your hustle picks up, play the game. Just don’t allow yourself to become trapped in the game. I’m finally seeing the world for what it is and I realize that it’s important to spend this one life that we have doing things you love and focusing your energy on things that are most important. These things include your friends, family, health (both physical and mental), and the greater world around you that needs whatever light you possess to shine brightly. That’s why I’m blogging now and will eventually start a YouTube channel doing the things I love. There’s somebody out there going through a similar journey right now…and they’re probably looking to learn something from me, just as I am looking for them as well. We’d be selfish to withhold that from those who need it.

SO…NOW…ABOUT MY DAY…

As I’ve stated before, the primary focus of each entry will be to focus on the major insight I found from the day. I’d say overall I maintained success. I drank my green tea, ate 3 square meals and a snack, and tracked my macros.

I also did some coding, which I will most likely resume in the morning since my day is light tomorrow. I decided to begin building a basic app just for practice. I’m toying with the idea of making it an app…I’d give the details but I’m not ready to see it stolen yet LOL. It really will be a simple project though. I feel like I could set it up in a way that’s RESTFUL, I can set up some routes, allow users to view or filter things in a Reddit style fashion, and maybe we’ll even hook it up to a Mongo server. I have to begin to figure it out…because Development is REALLY where I want to be. Trial by fire, right? Cast fear aside in pursuit of greatness.

Outside of that I was displeased that I took a long nap. I think I was out from 6pm to 9:30pm. I was tired. I had tons of brutal meetings that really stressed me out and depressed me. They also have a tendency to make me second guess my abilities and have loads of self-doubt. I’m learning to forgive myself and remind myself that God has something much better for me, and this is his way encouraging me to move on and move forward.

CONCLUSION

I have to learn to focus and protect my energy on that which matters. Building forms for consumer loans isn’t my life purpose. That’s what I do now…I know, earth shattering, right? (sarcasm).I do it to the best of my abilities but I know we all have something great to offer the world. I’m in pursuit of it and I hope that if you are too. If not…well…let’s begin.

I love you all, I hope you are doing well…and most importantly…always be blessed!

Chapter 4: Counting Macros and Covid

INTRODUCTION

Good evening everyone! Back for another entry in my daily blog series. I hope everyone is having an incredibly blessed day. If you’re just now joining me then just know this is the blog that lacks complete structure currently, but primarily exist as an experiment to force myself to write about my day for 365 days. To recap, I do have some goals lined up…and in a future entry (near future) I will share out a complete list of my short-term and long-term goals. However, right now I’m focusing on discovering the important insights from each day and diving deeper to understand those particular things. Let’s begin.

ANOTHER MONDAY…(SIGH)

Happy Monday to everyone. Do you ever wonder what it’s like to live in a world where we no longer are imprisoned by the feeling of Monday’s? It’s kind of a sad state of being that we loathe Mondays and covert Fridays. It’s symbolic of how miserable each day in between is. I know everyone doesn’t feel this way, but I do. I’ve done my best to not be so open about it, but it’s hard to not acknowledge the stigma surrounding both days as you hear your co-workers groan on Monday morning and begin the “Can’t wait until Friday” chants bright and early Tuesday morning. It is my promise to myself that I will find a way to escape out of this matrix and find a state of existence where everyday contains equal levels of joy. However, until that day…I’ll press on and do my best to be positive and I’d encourage you all to do the same. Negativity is hard to cast aside but I do feel like it will improve your mental health to try and focus on the positive.

Today’s success seemed a bit more minimal. I stayed true to my green tea transition. I once again ate breakfast. I hate to be so repetitive so there comes a point where I feel like once I hit my stride around a goal that it no longer requires mention or praise of it’s completion.

Monday’s are always tough…and this is my first Monday with this new mindset that I’m working hard to adopt. If ever there was a test, this was it. Nothing terribly bad happened, but I just didn’t find a lot of “me” time. There was very little personal development today due to an abundance of meetings…which, I don’t understand when I’m expected to work when I have 4 hours of meetings almost everyday, that’s another rant for another time though. Not only did I have meetings, but when I got off of work my wife decided it would be a good idea to meet up with her best friend for drinks because she is currently going through some tough times…so I understand that. The only problem was, I got in bed terribly late last night so I was extremely tired. I still have to get this sleep thing right. I’m running on minimal sleep, I just worked a full day…and now I have to help the kids with homework and watch over a baby all while cooking dinner and making sure everyone sticks to their bedtime routine. Needless to say, this was a rough one.

THE BIG WIN, COUNTING MACROS

Even with all of that there was a big new win for the day. I began counting Macros! Why am I counting macros you might ask…and what are Macros!? Well, macros are your macronutrients. The idea of IIFYM (If It Fits Your Macros) seeks to assess how much food you should consume for your fitness goals, specifically based around your current build and desire build. The primary areas that most people tend to focus on, myself included, are proteins, fats, and carbs.

I started counting these because I want to get a general idea of two things…

What should I be putting in my body, and how much am I currently putting in my body.

Today I used MyFitness Pal to track every meal and snack. It felt good to dust of the food scale I got 2 Christmas’s ago and be discipline enough to calculate everything. The idea would be to see how close to my mark am I getting currently and then adjust my diet to fall as close into my desired range as possible. I’m also putting together a home workout routine that will accompany this habit as well.

NOW, WHERE DOES COVID FACTOR IN TO ALL OF THIS

Now let’s touch on this Covid piece. Well, nobody in my household has Covid…and that’s a blessing. Before I even get into this part I hope that whoever is reading this, wherever you are, is keeping themselves safe and healthy during these trying times. Take care of yourselves.

My family and I have been very disciplined during this era of our history. We’ve only made home cooked meals since Mid-March of 2020, we’ve not attended any major events (indoor or outdoor). We’ve only seen our families marginally and outdoors, sometimes while wearing mask. We have been very adamant about keeping healthy. I firmly believe I already contracted Covid in February, as there was a period of a week and half I had to take off of work because I was intensely ill…which never really happens to me. I can’t confirm that though, but the thought lingers.

I say all of this to say that…I’M TIRED OF LIVING LIKE THIS!!! I was both annoyed and jealous that my wife got to hang out with her best friend tonight because they ended sitting indoors and having drinks, while she initially promised they’d be outdoors the whole time. I cold front blew in though and I guess the initial plan went out of the window. I was upset that my wife could potentially put the family in danger and be so irresponsible. However, I also secretly wished that could be me with my friends! It sparked a conversation when she got home around the idea that we begin venturing back out even though the news would tell you that the numbers are once again going up. I’m almost to the point where…well, I’m willing to risk it.

It doesn’t seem like we have a good grasp on this thing, at least in America, and I can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. The question I find myself pondering often these days is…when will it be safe to get back to normal during this pandemic, or if it ever will be? Can I wait any longer or do I risk getting it and pray that it helps me build an immunity for it. I don’t know how it works exactly, but since this virus has killed tons of people…it seems like a terrible risk to take (and rest the souls of those we’ve lost). It sucks that we’ve been put in such dire straits that one even has to consider just sucking it up and risk getting it as an option.

I just want the world to be a normal place again so I can take all of my positivity out into public and begin to find new ways to enjoy life with my family and friends.

I guess until that time comes I’ll have to continue to find creative ways to share my newfound mindset with the ones closest to me and also online.

CONCLUSION

Welp, my apologies. This one seems to have gotten a little long, but if you read this then thank you and I hope you are forever blessed. Remember, do your best to think positive and spread positivity and I know it will come back to you. Have a good one and I’ll see you tomorrow.

Chapter 3: Learning Code is Depressing

Back for Day number 3. Outside of a little headache today I’m feeling pretty good so far. Nothing life altering has transpired yet, but who would expect such things so early in the process. Keeping true to my promise I will do my best to keep this concise and hit on the high points of my day and the most critical insights.

SUCCESSES

Today started out good. I managed to eat breakfast 2 days in a row and also I did green tea instead of coffee again. My early suspicions regarding my headache might be the lack of caffeine consumption over the past couple of days. I heard this was a side-effect of reducing your caffeine intake, but I don’t know for sure if that’s the reason behind what I’m feeling currently…especially with it being so early in the process.

I also cleaned and took care of myself as promised. I shaved and cut my hair, which is something I want to be consistent with every Wednesday and Sunday. This seems trivial, but during Covid I’ve really lacked effort in making sure I keep myself well-groomed.

As I tend to do most days, I spent some time studying code…and while I consider that a positive that leads me to my biggest insight of the day.

I THINK I’M DOING IT WRONG!!!!

CODING HAS BEEN STRESSFUL, WHY DO I CONTINUE TO DO IT?

Let’s discuss this coding dream of mine. When I mentioned in the first blog entry in this series that I was going to be studying code, you might’ve assumed that this was some new passion of mine that I wanted to explore. Let me level set with you…this is not a new passion, not in the slightest. In the spirit of full transparency, which is what I intend for this blog, I’ve been studying code now…off and on for the better part of 2 years. I feel like I’ve learned a ton, but I honestly some days don’t know how to put it altogether and actually build anything for myself…I actually fear doing so, and that’s a major problem.

You might ask…what have you been studying exactly? Well…let’s list them off and let you know where I’m at in terms of my comprehension:

  • HTML – I’d consider myself very proficient / borderline expert in this
  • CSS – The same as HTML, I’m approaching expert status
  • JavaScript – I understand the syntax entirely…but some concepts like asynchronous programming and promises still give me troubles
  • Node – I get it, enough to get up and going
  • Express – I finally this year really put this together, still processing certain aspects like query params but overall I get the main concepts (which I’d say query params are also a main concept)
  • MongoDB – Oh my lord…this is the one that is puzzling me the most. I still need more practice, but I’m trying

If you couldn’t tell from that list, my focus has been very JavaScript heavy. I’ve really been working up to trying to become a full-stack developer, and I want to pursue a new career in this industry in 2021.

Right now I’m a UX Designer and I already have a strong background in design, to me it only makes sense to move into the space where I can gain the skills necessary to bring my creations to life with minimal or no assistance. That’s the goal. However, to date in my coding journey, I’ve built nothing comprehensive. I’ve integrated HTML, CSS, and a little JavaScript. I’m really puzzled with Mongo and Databases and I still know I need to get to React and Web Authentication / Security. Sometimes…this journey seems hopeless and it begins to feel like I’m wasting time.

WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT THIS?

Honestly, I’m open to suggestions if any programmers out there read this and have advice or want to take me under their wing. My gut instinct is to stop watching so many d*mn videos and start building things…even if they’re small right now. My mind has these grand visions of where I could be and it’s hindering me from swallowing my pride to build small projects. I’m even considering offering my services on a site like Fiverr for basically pennies. I do feel it’s important to get some real experience under my belt if I ever plan to get a job, which I don’t want a job forever, but I need the job in my opinion to strengthen my skills by having to apply them everyday.

I’ve tried a ton of Udemy courses, I’m subscribed to CodeCademy Pro, I’ve tried Free Code Camp, and I could just go on with all of the resources I’ve tapped into to try and become a developer…but I’ll stop there.

Tomorrow, I promise to figure out a better plan of attack for helping me feel like I’m making steps closer to helping my dream of working as a developer come true. I look forward to building my own passion projects and for whatever reason in my spirit I feel like this is the path I’m supposed to be on. I do get down on myself about it, but I’m not ready to quit…not just yet.

CONCLUSION

I know that each day is going to present a valuable insight. Tomorrow’s Monday, which I fear. I hate my job…you’ll hear me say that a lot, but I do. As these insights are revealed to me I’m making it my business to really spend time and explore these findings. I don’t just wish to explore them, but rather ideate on them and rapidly implement viable solutions that help me improve on that particular issue in my life. I’d encourage anyone who’s reading these entries to do the same. Life is hard, but I think the difficulty of it is compounded by the fact that most often we don’t stop to examine and resolve those things that cause us the greatest levels of stress and anxiety. Please, take a minute for yourself and really try to notice these insights as they’re presented to you and do yourself a favor by working to find resolution around them.

Thank you for reading and be blessed!

Chapter 2: Starting a New Journey and Baby Steps

INTRO

I’m back for the 2nd day in a row. I’ve decided the I’ll be making my entries for the day around bedtime. This is being done with the intention of being able to reflect on the events of the day and be able to examine what went well and what needs to continue to be pushed in the right direction. Some of these entries going forward might seem less exciting but I promised myself that I’d show, and show up I shall.

REFLECTING

I want to start this entry by first saying that man…it felt good to get some of the thing I mentioned in yesterday’s entry off of my chest. I woke up this morning and felt a bit more free than usual. My mind felt clear and spirit felt much lighter, almost as if a heavy burden was lifted off of it. I felt motivated and my goal for today was to keep the momentum shifting in the right direction.

I immediately made a list of things that I want to accomplish, both extrinsic and intrinsic. There are some major milestones on my roadmap that I’d love to hit, but in the spirit of progress being more important than perfection, I decided to take pride in any of the small wins I had for the day and am choosing to assess those as milestones that put me in the right direction of where I want to be. If you’re ready to hear about my milestones for the day then brace yourself, because here they come.

TODAY’S MILESTONES

Today was good. I…

  • Ate Breakfast – I woke up and made myself some breakfast. I tend to skip this meal but I wanted to focus on being better about my food consumption.
  • Skipped the Coffee in Favor of Green Tea – I am aware that I drink waayyyyy too much coffee and it’s something about myself I want to change. I’ve been reading about all of the benefits of green tea and so I recently ordered a glass tea kettle and a tea cup with a lid for improved steeping. I finally got the chance to take it for a test drive. I added a tad bit of honey to the tea for slightly improved flavor, but…no sugar or other sweeteners.
  • Tried Out the Pomodoro Technique – I hope I spelled that right, but yes…this is something I’ve ready about and I decided to implement it today to allow me to stick to a tighter schedule and not get so burnt out. This was only day one of testing this method out, but it felt good. Before I can give it a fair critique I need to continue trying it out for awhile longer, but I think this is going to work out nicely in helping me be more diverse in my time usage. I actually tried out the app, Focus Keeper, and it seems as if the Pomodoro technique is the default setting. I enjoyed it.
  • Didn’t Play Any Games – I actually didn’t watch a lick of tv until this evening, nor did I play any games. I’ve lately had a tendency to lose time with this senseless activity and I wanted to challenge myself to get back to a place of minimal time spent on entertainment.
  • Coded for 2-Hours – In my quest to pursue a career in development (I want to shift from UX Design to Full-Stack Development) I often find time to study code. Sometimes it feels as if I study so much so, or get caught up in the idea of studying, that all of my spare time is consumed by it. That simply is not sustainable and I even found myself pushing so deep into study that my brain becomes incapable of retaining the information (past a certain point). Sticking to 2-hours freed up a good portion of the rest of my day for other activities.
  • Studied Branding, my TRUE Love – I’ve always wanted to go deeper into branding and possibly build a future doing it. I strayed away from it, mostly because I didn’t accepted to work at a large agency fresh out of college, it’s shameful I let the opinions of so-called “experts” steer me away from my passion. I promise to get back to it and doing a little bit today felt nice.
  • Made More Time for My Wife and Kids – even if it was just talking a bit more or laughing a bit more, I sat down with them for breakfast and lunch and we just enjoyed each other’s company.

That’s basically it. I felt good about the minimal progress I made today, but I know there’s still so much more to come. I will continue to return here everyday to let you all know of the events of my days and share out over time my big wins, dreams, and goals.

Tomorrow, I will spend some time sharing out the short-term goals I’ve created for myself. It will be a preliminary pass at them because I also wanted to do some exercises I’ve seen in the book, “Think and Grow Rich”. However, I will share them with you all nonetheless and possibly some of the steps I will be taking to help them come true. Progress over perfection…faith over fear. If you read this, love yourself…and have as always, be blessed!

P.S. I got this in by 11:58pm…so I’ll probably get started just a bit earlier going forward lol.

Chapter 1: Learning to be Vulnerable, The Underdog and the Importance of Being 100% You

INTRO

Good evening my adoring followers! It’s been a long time, but I have returned and have decided to begin anew with regards to my blog. In full transparency, I actually forgot I even had WordPress until I got the Gmail notification informing me of my pricey renewal fee. I’m taking that as the universe’s way of telling me to get back on this thing. My approach however will be different. In the past I tried to focus my energy on creating long-form content with the expectation that you’d read it, and hopefully gleam some value from it. Some of my previous post I approached with a metric in mind, “hmmm, I need at least 10 talking points on this subject otherwise I’m not releasing it”. Hindsight’s 20/20, but what a flawed way to approach something that should be organic. This time there will be none of that. The posts will be more concise, and I’m going to try and fulfill a personal promise and goal to write something everyday. Inspiration strikes at random times and I think the intent shouldn’t be to make this the biggest and best blog of all time, but to begin to develop the muscle and habit for blogging.

STOP BEING LAZY, GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO GROW UP

You have to begin to simplify the process en route to your goals. That’s where I’ve been slipping up. To know me is to know that I’m a master procrastinator. This is not due to a lack of effort though, it’s mostly in part due to the fact that my struggle is perfection…and when the thoughts become too deep the burden becomes too heavy I’d much rather give up. It’s much easier to do something brainless than something productive anyhow. That mentality is great isn’t it? It’s the one that will lead me to that happy place of regret when I’m pushing old age and my best years are behind me…if you couldn’t tell, that’s sarcasm…but also truth. I’m rambling again, lol…I just can’t help myself can I.

Let’s get to the point. If you’re reading this it’s time to grow up. I still feel like a kid sometimes. A 35 year old kid living in fear of what my peers will think of me if I embrace my entire truth and face my grandest fears. A 35 year old kid who’s still waiting for someone to give me permission to make certain purchases, do my chores, get in bed on time, etc (spoiler alert, nobody is coming to do that for you lol). A 35 year old kid who’s just now realizing that my whole life revolved around needing approval and permission to do whatever my mind could conceive, when in reality I’ve been able to do it this whole time…even in youth. Why have I never felt empowered to do so, or committed to shaping the life that I’ve longed for? I’ve managed to make it a pretty decent ways on autopilot through God’s grace. Lord knows I’m imperfect in many ways…physically, mentally, and emotionally and still through both minimal effort and occasional spurts of focus I’ve done okay for myself. I don’t know how, however, I still know there’s more in the tank and the best is ahead of me.

THE MAIN POINT…ACCEPT WHO YOU ARE AND BE WONDERFULLY YOU

Here’s the point. I’ve been living in fear and complacency for far too long and I’m tired of it, and I’m sure some of you have been as well. I’ve experienced what I’m sure are forms of both depression and anxiety. If you’re a follower then you know that I’ve made a lot of empty promises to myself. You might unsubscribe and think to yourself, “another guy who’s full of sh*t, there’s no way he can help me with what I’m going through”. You’d be well within your rights. However, I’m viewing this through the lens of common human behavior, and that behavior is failing but trying again. There’s no shame in failure, but we need more of it. We need to try more things, fail at those things, and allow ourselves to learn and grow from those moments where we feel insecure and vulnerable. Need I repeat, give ourselves permission to do that.

Most of us get motivated to make changes in our lives only to get thwarted by our poor habits, low self-esteem or lack of motivation. How many of you all made resolutions on January 1st and are nowhere closer to being “the better you” that you promised you’d be. It’s October, you had d*mn near the whole year to work on yourself courtesy of Covid-19, where are you? I can tell you where I’m at. I’m still the same loser from 2019 LOL, no better, no worse, just existing and complaining about my current reality. Still being guided along by what’s been afforded to me by others, not really grabbing the wheel and steering the ship myself. The same as I’ve done probably the last 3 to 4 years of my life. The beauty of life though is that any day that you’re blessed to wake up you have the opportunity to try again. The fight isn’t over until there’s no breath left in your body.

The only way to establish the best possible lives for ourselves, and for myself, is to be vulnerable. We’re all the underdog…and most times we stay the underdog because we don’t even give ourselves permission to dream (yes, we allow others power even over our dreams) as being anything more than the underdog. We accept and embrace our flaws, we make that our truth, and we don’t give our spirits the freedom or permission to even live in a world where we entitle ourselves to the simple things and pleasures of this world. That’s sad, but it’s true.

My encouragement to you and myself is to cast your insecurities aside and embrace your God-given talents en route to becoming your best self. We all have a beauty that’s within us if we allow our light to shine. Don’t focus on the things you can’t change, but focus on that which is important and those things that you can have power over. Always be looking ahead. Don’t allow your greatness to be controlled, minified, reduced, and bottled up due to criticism or judgement. Stop feeling less than because the world places arbitrary labels on you and tells you what you are supposed to be or how terrible you are. Imagine who you want to be and become that. Go 100% forward, be tenacious in pursuit of your dreams and go after it. Don’t half-step it, really go after it. Most of what we think is important doesn’t even matter in the end and that’s just truth.

P.S, THIS LAST PART IS FOR ME…YOU’RE WELCOMED TO READ IT ALSO

This last paragraph is primarily for me, and I think the beauty of this blog is that nobody really knows it exist yet. If you wish to exit at this point you can, but I’m about to get all the way real with myself. You can steal this exercise for personal use as well if you enjoy it.

In order to move forward in life, and in order to evolve into the best version of myself, I think it’s important to say what is defeating me right now. I need to mention my insecurities, put them out there in black and white, and don’t claim it…it’s been claimed long enough, but rather get it off my chest and exhale because I’ve bottled it up for far too long as it is. It’s time to set myself free from this mental prison that I’ve placed myself in. I want to take ownership of that which I can’t change so that I don’t allow it to affect me when the world views me with judgement, and they will judge me. I want to begin to focus on that which is most important and not let my outcomes be dictated by seemingly arbitrary factors. I want to give myself permission to be whatever I feel passionate about in spite of others opinions of me. We all have greatness within and I’m personally ready to give myself permission to seek it, and with time I know that I’ll find it. I don’t want to oversimplify the journey, because I know it won’t be easy and some of my insecurities might linger, but I know I have to fight and work daily to diminish their hold over me. Once I have acceptance of myself these demons can no longer force me to dwell in my flaws. I will be able to face the world when others realize that I am unbothered. Most people want to take your joy, dim your light, or put out your fire…but they can only do it if you allow them to control you. Each day we’re faced with mental and spiritual warfare, and if we arm ourselves appropriately we can overcome anything. No weapon formed against me shall prosper. It is the divine plan of God to grow us and empower us and it is the goal of the enemy to attack us and lull us into submission. I will read this often and learn to live it.

Now, what’s been troubling me:

  1. I’m too short – even typing that was extremely tough. I’ve been short my whole life as a man and it’s prevented me from doing a lot (not height wise, but just from an insecurity standpoint). Ironically enough, nobody has ever really put me down for my size…however, I’ve always been insecure about it and most likely have focused on it more so than those around me. I always felt guarded around others because I always anticipate that somewhere someone is whispering about shorty over there. They probably aren’t, but I can’t help myself. I’ve been angry at times for no reason, I’ve been timid at others because of it, I’ve given power to all the crass and rude things people tend to say regarding short men. It’s always been a thorn in my side. Lord knows I wish I could’ve been taller, but…it’s not going to change, not at 35 minus a miracle (a la a Captain America type experiment lol). I’m 35 and I’m 5’7 (on a good day) and that’s life…I shouldn’t have to feel apologetic or undeserving because of it.
  2. I’m out of shape, onset dad bod – I work behind a desk and man I’m letting myself go! When I was younger, early to mid-twenties I was in shape. I had no problems (ironically enough in spite of my height) with the ladies. They used to grab my arms, feel on my chest, and were generally intrigued by my physique. When I first met my wife she got the best of it. 3 kids later and a stressful job and I feel like I look like hell…or sh*t…or BOTH. I’ve tried to get back on the wagon countless times and I’ve given up each time. I have too much pressing work at the job and it’s shamefully dictated my self-care routines. I DO have control over this one and I need to get it together. I thought of hiring a coach, but I already have all of the knowledge. It just seems senseless to pay money to have someone get me to do that which I already know to do, but I may have to. I also eat like sh*t and not consistently enough. My diet needs to be reviewed as well.
  3. I HATE My Job – I cannot stand my job. They don’t see my greatness or potential and that’s probably my fault too. I’m not passionate about the work I do. I’m a UI / UX Designer…I used to be super creative, but working for a Fortune 100 company there is little room for creativity. We have a design language system and it feels more so like using legos to craft experiences. I’ve been longing to get out but I never update my portfolio or work on creative things outside of the job. The worst part is that since I stopped dealing in the bureaucracy and seeking promotions I’m certain it’s painfully evident that I’m just showing up at this point. Which leads into my next point…
  4. I’m BROKE!!! – That one was equally, if not tougher, to admit to than being short. I haven’t left my job because of financial constraints. If I told you that I made about $90,000 a year you’d think I was doing good. All of my friends think I’m doing phenomenally because of the house I live in and the way my kids are put together, but the reality is I’m broke as f*ck. I have a family of 5 and we have been on a single income since my wife and I decided she’d stay home with the baby. Between the 2 of us we have over $120,000 in student loan debt…and that doesn’t even include our other expenses or credit card debt. Man, I’m in a bad position and my financial situation has lead me to stay in this job. I make enough to afford our expenses…just afford them. I don’t make enough to get ahead or out of debt, ever. I’ve been complacent with just staying above water since I’m alive, and not even attempted to figure out how to get out.
  5. I Waste Too Much Time – I’ve always been smarter than I’ve given myself credit for. Sometimes when I’m striving for perfection and I get stumped I tend to drift off into countless games of UNO or Among Us. Previously it was Call of Duty, Battlefield, or 2K. The point is I need to focus my energies on growing my mind, body, and soul. When things get rough and I feel like I can’t just plow my way through I should shift gears into another equally constructive task (even if it’s just exercise or going for a walk).
  6. I Could be a Better Dad – Some people would say I am a good dad, I don’t all the way agree with that. I’m not always present or fun, I’m mostly stern. I do offer tons of guidance and knowledge to them…but that almost begins to seem like it’s the extent of the relationship I have with them. I want to be perceived as more fun, but I need to improve my overall feeling about myself to become better for them…and my wife. I also find myself becoming the “I’m always working” dad. I don’t like that so much. I wouldn’t say I’m bad at being a dad…I’d just say I’m present, and just being present is not okay for me.
  7. I Don’t Have Enough Real Life Experience – I know how to design things, I know how to code a bit…but when it comes to real life experience…like building things, making a fire, shooting guns, fighting, etc. I just don’t have ENOUGH experience in these arts. This is going to sound dumb, but I consider them arts because I always examine my abilities through the lense of a zombie apocalypse (The Walking Dead) or Game of Thrones. If I lived in one of these universes what would my survival rating be? Do my current abilities serve me well enough to survive when survival matters most? I don’t feel like they do. That’s a personal goal for myself, is to learn how to use firearms better, knives, boxing, making fire…building stuff, and just get myself in peak conditioning for whatever could arise. Coding and Design won’t get me very far in a post-apocolyptic world.
  8. I Rarely Follow Through – I need to stop saying what I’m going to do and sitting on it too long or never doing it. That one is simple, short, and sweet. My words need to have more value and meaning, right now they mostly feel empty.
  9. Forgive Yourself For All These Things and Don’t be so Hard On Yourself – You’re still a work in progress. Don’t get down on yourself when you fall short in any of these areas. It’s okay, just be yourself and keep moving forward. Learn to live in the moment and learn to grow from your shortcomings.

That’s it. If you read the whole thing then thank you. Have a blessed day and I’ll see you tomorrow! Let’s all get better together.